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St John’s Second Letter To Thee, Roman
May 11, 2012
by Roge Slater
I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to Avram the Jew first and also to the Greek, Sisyphus.
For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “But the righteous man shall live by faith.”
We pray in the name of you, our father and of your money, and of Vodka, the Holy Spirit.
Ahem…
Dear Roman,
I have cause to write again on behalf of myself and my brothers (well, except my actual brother) to implore that you support us, your favourite sons in our quest to succeed where our peers have failed; to bring great honour and exaltation upon your oligarchy.
Yet again the soothsayers and scribes seem intent on decrying our achievements, using the power of their written word to force a breach in the harmony that now reigns supreme among my peers and your faithful servants. But, with your help Lord Roman, we will be strong – strong enough to overthrow these fools and their European alliances!
You will see that since you have replaced the Latino youth with an Italian brother our fortunes have multiplied tenfold. Many have written that this is because of the influence of me, your leader in battle and the devotion of my senior lieutenants, but this is not the case – it is simply that your chosen one has returned our brotherhood to the fore, discarding the upstarts of the Latino’s future vision.
Forgive me, I digress. As you have seen we have conquered the invading Italians and subsequently have fought a great battle against the Spaniards, but we know these are both races of indifferent temperament. Now, we have a more stoic challenge at hand against the might of the Germanic nations.
Both sides will be weakened by the toils of previous success and despite the offers of even your greatest riches, it seems that the heads of Europe will not be coerced into a trade between the two foes, a trade such that would allow your leader to do battle — yet they will grant me the honour of collecting the prize our victory will bring.
My concern is that we must do battle in the homeland of our foe – a homeland that once your great nation in the East fought against with great success, repelling their attacks on many fronts, but a nation that is once again strong since its unification. Also, you will of course know of our nation’s great success four and more decades ago against these foes — when your peers with whistle and flag assisted us as we turned back the tide
We must ask that you do all in your power to ensure once again that our two nations are joined against this foe, realising that is essential if we are to bring great fortune and pride forth for our next campaign.
In our homes we are also challenged. Some may have thought that the recent battle held against homelanders from the north west was key in our thoughts, but it was no more than a slight distraction — and one from which we drew success. We battle to bring these honours to our bosom, but they are an irrelevance in the great scheme that shapes our future.
Our target is those that breed a great divide in their city, those of blue and red who seem set to dominate. Our target henceforth must be to at least divide and then to conquer. The fortunes to be gained from our European campaign will surely support these endeavours — we have seen the French among other fall in their wake this past year, but this strengthens our resolve for future success…
From a personal stance it seems that my position as leader of this great country is once more under threat. Those who see fit to rule have appointed a man from the shadows of whom I know little, yet he has already set out his stall by communication with the brother of he who challenges my honour. It seems he is the favoured once for this summers foray and again I may be cast aside, left to contemplate the judgement of others as summer days shorten. To this end I must ask again that if you have any influence in these circles you honour me with your support. I know that you would ask not of me in return, but I can promise that for this I would not stand in the way of your choice of our new General…
There are a number of your lieutenants’ who have experience beyond their years (though it is true that these years are fast catching up) and I am sure that I can speak for all when I say that with the honour of some extension of our terms, each will be as supportive as I. Indeed, we would be vocal in our support especially if your given son, Roberto, is to be the chosen one…
We are sure that you can see the advantages that are to be gained from our conjoined strengths, and we are hopeful that you will honour us all with your support,
Yours in perpetuity (or at least until my contract runs out), your ever faithful disciple,
St John.
(In case you missed it, an earlier letter can be found here…)
St John’s Second Letter To Thee, Roman by Roger Slater is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
St John’s Letter To Thee, Roman
February 24, 2012
— 2 Comments
by Roge Slater
Almighty master and father, in your wisdom you raised up for your place of worship, the apostle John, a man transformed by his encounter with you who sent him on a life journey of discipleship as his apostle to the gentler sex and also to those who show outward signs of ethnicity.
Beloved leader, give to us all the passion of St John for the teachings of thee and guide us as we begin to study St John’s letter to the Church of Roman.
We pray in the name of you, our father and of your money, and of Vodka, the Holy Spirit.
Ahem…
Dear Roman,
I write from my contemplative retreat, finding myself with an abundance of time through the grace of the many, many statements that are being made in regard to my role at our beloved club in these times of great woe and desolation. Soothsayers are preaching that I am the root cause of the pestilence brought upon us all. Yet, as your most loyal of apostles, I must assure you that these sayings are untrue.
I confess that I did succumb to the seduction of the evil spirit that also afflicted our former apostle Wayne — yet even those that are nearly blind must still see he was only befriended that she may get access beyond our defences, entering at the very heart of the inner sanctum that is our glorious Bridge … (Stamford, not Wayne).
Once behind our back line, she diverted our attentions away from our goals and toward the very leadership that maintains the structure of our integrity — me — and being a mere mortal (alas) I was weak. Her evil exploited that weakness, but now you must understand like Adam and Eve after the departure of the serpent, I became strong again.
You stood by me, great one, and I did not let you down, even though, it is true, that other great Roman, St Fabio, turned his back on me as his leader at that time. Yet, he and I both knew that was to be but a temporary exile.
Then there is the contemporary incident where I stand accused of no more than the explanation of a mishearing or misunderstanding. I could no more discolour my opponent in battle than I could a compatriot that, though always my enemy, is a friend and brother of my friends.
And, this in its passage through authority, has caused great unrest. Leaders of this nation choose to stand against me, though there will be a great passage of time before we are brought before great judges and justice is wrought. Yet this time, St Fabio chose to stand by my side and, for his courage and loyalty, has been cast out by the masters of this nation.
(My eyes now seeing with wisdom born of history, this may be due to him having a hidden objective in that with defence as weak as ours, he feels a change to the depths of a Russian winter will be more preferable than suffering the heat of a European Summer — one that, as always, will promise so much yet deliver so little.)
Finally, there is unrest in our home.
Those of us with age, experience and leadership are being cast to one side by this new Lieutenant who now steers our ship, his avowed intent to blood the younger warriors in our army. But at what cost?
Is there, our master, some great plan afoot to deprive UEFA of their rights over us through their financial restrictions by ensuring that we do not qualify for even the Europa Cup next season? Surely this cannot be so, as it may be the last chance for our older combatants to reap the rewards of our efforts. Yet, it seems that the Latin spirit of this young Lieutenant lacks the nous to lead us to victory.
It is certainly a shame that one option for a new direction for his leadership — that of the Russian winter — may be taken from us by the respected St Fabio (or even by St Guus, who could have been tempted to return to this very theatre of dreams where he once brought stability). It is with hope that you may still be the puppet-master in your great homeland, and you may still rescue us from the dismal end that looks likely by mastering (and indeed procuring) another escape plan and perhaps providing us with a new master, even one from the Spanish lands, where in austere times your coin will be much respected.
For me this end could be truly dismal, as it seems certain that Sir Arry and his lord and master, Daniel, may first usurp us on home shores and then indeed may choose to battle the Europeans without your once highly respected leader within his army at all, let alone at the forefront.
It can only mean I will have to spend the summer with some tart on a beach somewhere.
Yours in perpetuity,
St John.
St John’s Letter to Thee, Roman. by Roge Slater is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
