January 26, 2013
— arsenal, documentary, Football Satire, Funny Football, jose mourinho return, jungle species, manchester city, manchester united, premier league survival, swansea city
By Emelie Okeke
It truly is a pleasure to watch these noble creatures in their element. Within the dense boscage, the rough sprawl amongst which these animals hunt, fight, and gorge on their takings, there exists a multitude of species who live off their instincts to survive and, for the best among them, thrive. A painful death awaits the also-rans. Let us take a closer look at these magnificent brutes.
Perched on his usual lofty vantage point, the Cantankerous Escocesas can be seen issuing a ritual rallying cry, with all the familiar features present: fiery crimson cheeks, arms aloft, observant eyes bulging from their sockets. He can be seen constantly analysing the surrounding conditions in order to obtain the most accurate calculation of time, especially late in the day, as the sun begins to disappear over the broad horizon. His fearsome masticating at full flow is a sight to behold. The oldest of all jungle species, he is the leader of the pack and shows no sign of being endangered. Until now. His regular mid-afternoon stroll has been interrupted by an increasingly noisy neighbour.
The Astuzia Mancunia, with immaculately coiffured plumage and flamboyant gesticulations, is intent on becoming the alpha male of this sprawling jungle. His carefully assembled brood are capable of much childish squabbling and in-fighting, and sometimes he himself is caught up in the rough and tumble. Yet, for all this hot-blooded passion and wild histrionics, there remains a maternal streak in the Astuzia Mancunia’s veins, which reveals itself when he dotes over the most rebellious of his young.
As we gaze over the cornucopia of vines, greenery and exotic undergrowth, we can analyse a newer species with bountiful means for development. The Decorus Cymrus is easy on the eye and renowned as much for his purity and aesthetic wonder as it is for its sad affliction of common violent death at the hands of more physical beastly counterparts. It lives in the shadow of its past dominant generations. However, the longer that this adaptable animal gets used to its’ harsh surroundings, the more accustomed it gets to applying its undeniable mental aptitude with burgeoning brawn. For now it resides in the lowly climbs, cowering under the might of the aforementioned two species, but this may not be the case for much longer provided the development continues for the breed.
The similarly-formed Arsenis Obstinatus was previously the prettiest creature in the jungle but is now a bedraggled, surly and browbeaten fallen giant, having succumbed to many a pummelling from rivals in recent times. It is clear to see that it still gains respect, having once been invincible, and I observe more illustrious creatures at times stopping to admire the attractive exterior that belies its soft underbelly. Larger, less prettier creatures often stop to inflict injury for rich pickings, much to the behest of the victim.
Scrambling amongst the undergrowth we catch sight of the Conjurus Cocknus, a crafty species at the best of the times. This is a sprightly, albeit slightly grizzled creature which is able to survive with the most meagre of resources, sometimes using leftover scraps from those with more provisions to draw upon, other times using its powerful means of communication to call out for help in times of need. It never, though, steals things. Ever. Having endured a harsh winter in this treacherous jungle, it is clear to see that this animal’s survival and thus its very way of life is under severe threat. It remains to be seen whether it will be alive and kicking by the time summer re-emerges.
That concludes this trip to the jungle, where creatures of all shapes and sizes can be seen trying to manage their survival. It truly is a fascinating pl- hang on, what is this? Surely not. Yes it is! Prowling into the jungle with its chiselled features and instantly recognisable swagger, this is a beast which hasn’t been sighted in this environment for quite some time. Indeed, the Unico Specialis is truly one of a kind, and his renewed presence in the jungle immediately sees fear and suspicion arise in the eyes of all the animals. Where is he heading? Whose place will he take? Will he return to the top of the perch? Those questions will be answered on another day in the jungle.
The Jungle by Emelie Okeke is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.