Recipe For A Good Sporting Summer
June 2, 2012
— Football Recipe, Funny Football, Illegal Football Streaming, Olympic Football, Pre-Season Friendlies, Pre-Season Tours, soccer satire, Tour of Asia, Tour of USA, Watch Euro 2012, Watching Football On Laptops
by Jude Ellery
Preparation Time: 10 minutes
Cooking Time: 2-3 months
100-240V/50Hz AC Power
3 installations of Internet Browsers
2 urls of semi-legal streams
4+ Inflatable chairs/beanbags
4-8 150g packs Walkers Sensations (assorted flavours)
Serves: as many as can cram around one screen.
1. Plug in your chosen laptop to a mains power source and leave for 10 minutes, until it heats to a dangerous temperature and begins to elicit a loud whir.
2. Mix together two Internet Browsers (the third is bound to need a software update, so discard that) on a 14” screen, type in your chosen urls and leave to load for 5-10 seconds, until both websites begin to pop-up.
3. Close the ten pop-up windows, pull up the the required number of chairs or beanbags and open the first (best) flavour of Walkers Sensations.
4. Place laptop on a stable, elevated surface and sprinkle with pre-seasoning as follows:
- 3 tablespoons of misplaced hope for Euro 2012 quarter-finals;
- 2 tablespoons of misplaced enthusiasm for Olympic Football quarter-finals;
- 1 tablespoon of misplaced importance for club tours of Asia, America or Cornwall.
5. Serve with warm beer and St George’s Cross hats/Union Jack flags/this season’s expensive replica away strip. For dessert, a barbeque in the rain or heavy session at the Dog & Duck is recommended to wash away this dish’s bitter aftertaste.
Recipe For A Good Sporting Summer by Jude Ellery is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License