Rafael Nadal “Suffers From Smurf Fear”
May 28, 2012
— Funny Smurfs Story, Nadal Blue Clay Complaint, Nadal Blue Clay Court, Nadal Smurfs, Papa Smurf, Rafa Nadal's Guns, Rafael Nadal, Smurfette's Boyfriend, Tennis Jokes, Tennis Satire
by Andrew Smith
World number three and ten-time Grand Slam champion Rafael Nadal has sensationally revealed that his hatred of blue originates from his dislike of Smurfs, a Belgian comic and television franchise centred on a group of small blue fictional creatures.
After losing to Fernando Verdasco at the Mutua Madrid Open in the third round, Nadal lambasted the controversial blue clay surface, threatening to boycott the event in future if the colour is not changed back to red.
“One day, I was on my way to the gym to work on my pecs, while eating tapas and picking my shorts from between my buttocks, when I got lost and ended up in Smurf Village,” Nadal revealed, his face pensive as he recalled a dark period in his life.
The Spaniard told reporters he then embarked on a dramatic quest, battling with the evil Gargamel, who tried to use him in a potion to create gold and then eat him. Fortunately, Nadal prevailed.
“I hit him with my top spin forehand,” he boasted, showing the trademark whipped follow through, “then pumped my fist and shouted ‘Vamos! I am the Spanish Bull!’”
Nadal was hailed as a hero by the Smurfs and lived among them for a while, but believes he was always seen as different and never truly accepted as one of them. One by one, he fell out with each and every one of the little blue critters. First, he briefly dated blond bombshell Smurfette, but she dumped him for not being blue enough and shouting ‘Vamos!’ too much. To get over this rejection he began working out with Hefty Smurf, but the pair came to blows when the Smurf scandalously called Rafa’s guns “puny”. Worse was to follow: Barber Smurf gave Rafa a bad haircut that destroyed his flowing locks, Chef Smurf didn’t even know how to make tapas, and Cobbler Smurf ruined Rafa’s Bull Nikes. The final straw came when Papa Smurf promised to make a magical potion to send Nadal back home to Mallorca, but never delivered.
“There was more, but the worse thing was… I just hated living in a mushroom,” Nadal said.
Andrew Smith is a council worker and National Trust for Scotland volunteer from Edinburgh who finds the world a scary and disturbing place. To escape he reads, watches lots of sport and writes nonsense about it.